8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
