I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
