Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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