I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
