I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
