I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
