Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
