is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
