we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
