What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
