And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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