My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
