New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
