Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
