dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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