I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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