Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
