what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
