You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
