It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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