This girl is more easily done than said...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
