true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
