I faked an abortion last night.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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