I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
