Screwed.edu
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
