He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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