Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
