i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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