Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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