We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
