I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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