Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wear drunk well.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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