There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
