Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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