i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
