im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
