i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
