I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
