I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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