Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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