how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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