i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
