Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
