I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
