If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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