The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
