I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
