im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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