My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize