But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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