why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
