Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
