Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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