I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
