Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
