And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
