i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
