after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
