We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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