You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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