He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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