so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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