11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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