I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
