If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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