TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
