I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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