There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
