Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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