She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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