then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
