tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
