i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do herpes really smell.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
